A first-person piece published by The Ghana Report argues that real love does not switch off, and that much of what we call love is lust in disguise.
A personal essay carried in the lifestyle section of The Ghana Report has put a familiar relationship debate back on the table: if a feeling can vanish completely, was it ever love?
The writer, who is not named in the piece, opens with a confession. She has never told a romantic partner that she loves them, and has never heard those words said to her. Her reasoning is simple. She believes the phrase should only be used when a person is completely sure of it, and she expects that certainty to arrive on its own.
Two relationships that felt like the real thing
The essay describes two men she dated casually, about a year apart. Both gave her the physical signs people associate with falling in love, and with both she felt, in her words, that she was home. She convinced herself at the time that this was love, though she never said so out loud because of how casual the arrangements were.
When each relationship ended, she says she was devastated and feared she had lost a soulmate. But she writes that each man later did something she could not forgive, and the feeling disappeared entirely. Looking back, she says the absence of any emotion today is her evidence that it was never love in the first place.
The central claim
Her argument rests on one idea: "Once you start really and truly loving someone, I don't think you ever stop," she writes.
On that reading, genuine love survives heartbreak. You might still hope to see the person's name on your phone. Years later, even without romance, something would still flicker when you met their eyes.
What does fade, she suggests, is lust and passion mistaken for love. She uses the image of rose-tinted glasses, under which warning signs stop looking like warnings because the person wants the feeling badly enough.
The test she proposes
The essay offers a rough measure. If the first serious fight leaves you indifferent to whether it ends, you were not in love. If you withdraw when a partner is struggling with depression instead of staying present, you were not in love either. Loving someone during the good stretches, she argues, costs nothing.
She ends without regret. Having never said the words, she considers herself fortunate to have learned the difference early, so that she will recognise the real thing when it finally appears.
It is a personal view, not advice from a counsellor, and readers will judge it against their own experience.
Reported first by The Ghana Report on 2026-09-17. This article was written for our readers based on that report. Follow the link for the original coverage.
